Marriage

So, I've always wanted to be a wedding planner ever since I was little and I'm now on track to fulfilling that dream by being a full time student of events management. However, recently I've been watching a few episodes of The Hotel and Don't Tell The Bride and have been thinking, is a wedding really appropriate?

Something came to mind the other day when I thought, do you need to get married to have a happy relationship? I mean, I understand why religious people get married, it's part of their beliefs, but why get married just to prove you love one another?

I was reading a story the other day about a couple who have been together for over 26 years and that couple have not been married. All this time they've built up a life together, had children and created a family and are living the happy dream that most couples wish to have, they aren't married. Maybe they are so happy because they haven't gotten married and they don't have the stress of being a good husband or wife holding them down.

I mean, I understand again why most get married, some people do it to show their love for one another, you don't need to be married just to have a healthy, sustainable relationship. In fact you don't even need to get engaged.

I sometimes feel that most couples, especially young couples nowadays tend to get engaged because of programmes like The Hotel and Don't Tell The Bride, these shows are broadcasting big, white, princess weddings to the future of society and these people then decide "I want to do that". Don't get me wrong, I would love to get married one day, it's one of the things I've always wanted for myself and like all women a part of me wants to get married because of the big, white wedding, however the main lust I have for a wedding is based purely on the fact that I'm a Roman Catholic and it's a part of me that wants to keep to that religion. Now I'm not the most religious person in the world, I smoke, I drink alcohol and have sex without being married, but I do take some parts of my religion seriously, like being against abortion, believing in God and wanting to be married in the eyes of the Lord.

But others don't want that, the fantasy of being somebodies wife and having their big wedding day which is all about them are some of the only reasons why they want to get married. The do it because a wedding is the most important thing in their eyes (which is of course a load of bull), they want that one day where everyone has to look at them and think "Oh I'm so jealous". You know what? Grow up.

Marriage is to be taken seriously. You do not build a marriage up on a wedding alone, you do not get married and suddenly you're marriage is complete. No. A wedding is just the beginning and is meant to be a religious and meaningful ceremony in which it brings to people and two families together, in the eyes of the Lord. It brings two families to join as one and create a bond so that they can support and cherish their family members, new and old and to unite the couple as one. So that couple can embark on new adventures together and so that they can become a real couple, a couple blessed with a new family and a new life ahead of them.

University and relationships - a recipe for disaster?

The minority of people used to start university in a relationship, in recent years it has been proven that the majority of people will start university single. Why? because somewhere down the line people have begun to realise that university is all about having fun. Can you have fun when being tied down? Not being able to go out and have a few too many drinks with your friends and stumbling home with a kebab in one hand and a can of pepsi in the other? Well, only you can answer that.

I know a few people in university who started it whilst being in a relationship, all but two have now split up with their ex boyfriends and are hooking up with boys all over the place. It's what students are like.

Everybody wants to be able to get the chance to sleep around when in university, most people only go to university for this but some take it a step too far in some ways. I can understand why people want to sleep around, it's the feel of excitement and the thrills they get when doing so, knowing they can have a man underneath (or on top) of them any night they wish. I've never had this thrill because I don't believe in becoming a slut because "I know that I can".

But others do this within the first term of their first year, and when they have done it they decide it isn't for them. They may begin to wish that they had never broken up with their partner, or they may decide it's time to find somebody else and settle down with them, maybe somebody from university.

But is that wise?

Personally I believe that it is not. Just because you decide to dump somebody and shag everything that moves in your first term just to get it out of your system, doesn't mean you can then think "Oh I made a mistake" and try to run back to that ex. You ended it so you must get over it. But then jumping into a relationship with somebody in the same university that you've only known for a few months is a little bit pathetic too don't you think? I mean come on, you see them for three months, then you go home and don't see them for three weeks, you see them for another three months, go home for three weeks, you see them for two-three months and then spend the whole summer thinking "Oh my god the distance is just too much". But you decide to ignore it as you visit once or twice and then you're back at university together.

What happens after university? Do you move to the same town, do you move back to your individual homes like before? What do you do? You don't know do you?

Whereas take me for example. I came to university single, I know I was going to want to explore and get some thrills and therefore I stayed single for months before university. When I came. I kissed a few lads and had a fumble with some of them. But I never slept with them, because I have respect for myself. When I went home for Christmas I started dating somebody I had dated once or twice before going to university, we got along and eventually we then got into a relationship. Since being back at university we've drifted slightly, not due to any of us, simply because with the work load and the busy days it's hard for us both to text all the time or call every day. Granted we do speak a lot when we do get the chance, and we do send the odd texts here or there throughout the days and this is what makes our relationship work. This along with trust for one another.

I'm now happy in my relationship, I don't feel the need to call him every ten seconds or text him when I feel I have to. We speak when we want to or need to, we plan to see eachother, for example he's coming to visit me at university on Valentines Day and then we'll be seeing eachother when we both get home at the end of March. It's not awkward and it isn't difficult either. We get along great and even with the distance between we both hold on to the fact that we'll be in the same country in no time for three weeks. And then we'll be able to do the same thing again after Easter. Because we both know that when we get back at the end of April / beginning of May we will see eachother for a good few months before September comes around and we have to go back to university.

This is what makes us stronger. We didn't get into a relationship before we both went to/went back to university and that helped the relationship when we did decide to get together.

What I'm saying is, going to university in a relationship may seem like a great idea to begin with but it will always end the same as it does for everybody else. Give it time, go single, get the wild shinnanigans out of the way in your first term or first year and that way when you do find a relationship, whether it be with somebody from back home or from university. Just make sure though that it is the right decision.

There is nothing worse than making the wrong decision...So think wisely and cautiously.

Until my next post

Good Luck and Happy Holidays

Love or Fake?

How many of you have ever fallen in love? Or thought you had?
....I guessed everyone.

When can you tell if love is real or fake and make-belief? Will there ever be a way of telling?
YES.

Lets think about love logically.

You meet someone, you start meeting up, you sleep together, you make it 'facebook official' and then that's it. But there is always more to the story.

You meet the person, and the first thought in your mind is whether they are cute or not. If they are you make scenarios in your head of how your relationship will be. You start to speak on a daily basis, you make sure that you're always online or in public where they will see you, they speak or you speak, and the conversation is sparked. You decide to meet up, go to the cinema or go for a coffee and a walk around the local shopping hot spot. You have a few awkward moments but the conversation soon begins to flow, you get to find out what they find amusing and the things they like. After the first meet you part ways.

You're thinking how amazing it was and then thinking what they thought of the day. Soon you meet up a second time, then a third then a fourth and eventually you feel as if you're in a real relationship even though neither of you have asked the daunting question.
    You finally sleep together, you think it's going to be fireworks shooting out and romance filling the air. Instead it's awkward, you don't know what to do with yourself of the other person, you don't know your rhythm. After you've slept together, a few dates later the relationship question finally gets asked and answered with a hasty yet almost subtle 'yes'.
    The relationship is then 'facebook official'. And you suddenly think everything is sorted.

But is it?

A few months into the relationships arguments start to appear, the cracks start to show and you're soon accusing each other of all sorts. Cheating, lying, disrespecting, you name it, it'll happen.
   Then what?

The accusations get too much and you decide to become those things, you start to cheat, a cheeky kiss here and there, a fumble in the corner of a club and then it all leads to that....sex.
    You decide not to tell your partner, they decide to do the same to you and the vicious circle forms. You feel guilty so decide to accuse your partner of cheating to try and get the truth out to see if they have cheated on you...They never admit it so in the end you do. They then decide to admit it.

Through all of this you're texting each other saying how much you love them. You still go on dates and pretend everything is fine, you pretend that none of the arguments happened, you act like a loved up couple, laughing, holding hands and kissing.

It's romantic right?.......Wrong!

It is far from romantic.

So is that true love? Maybe.

This situation is similar to a relationship I had, minus the two of you cheating and minus the admitting.

But when we broke up I realised how much I loved him, and realised that no matter how badly we treated each other, I'd always love him.

They say that if you really love someone it'll take you at least 17 months to get over them, and push those feelings of love down below the surface, never to be thought of again.

If this is the case then I still have 10 months left and I don't think I can handle that. I now have a new boyfriend, yet when I sleep at night I still have dreams about my ex. Why? Because the love I felt for him was real, however whilst I'm thinking of him he's made his bed and is lying in it with his new girlfriend. This shows he never loved me, he's long past loving me, it was never felt by him.

And that hurts to even think about let alone write/say it.

I don't want to pine over my ex I really don't, but I do, every day.

You can suppress the feelings but they'll never leave you alone, they'll always be at the back fighting through everything else to get back to the front and when they finally do get back to the front you go through the same again.

That's real love.


The fake love is when you're with somebody but constantly cheat on them. When your partner is clearly not enough for you and the attention they give to you isn't enough so you go scouting somewhere else for it. You go out on a night out and end up sleeping with anyone that gives you a bit of attention.

Fake love is when it's forced. Ever forced yourself to attempt to love somebody? I'm sure you have, that's how most of my relationships have started.

There's a fine line between real love and fake love, you just have to be open minded enough to see it. and if you don't see it then you're more than likely between the two. Real and fake.

So the next time you look at your partner think to yourself, what do you like about them?

If you can answer that question, you're not in love.

To love someone you must accept them for who they are and love them with all of their good and bad points. You will always want to be there for and with them and you'll never want to see them walk away - even just to go home. You'll want to be around them every second of the day....
....If that isn't how you feel, when you walk away from each other - Don't go back.

Bullies or broken?

I've been deciding over the last few months about what I should make this blog about and how I can use it to its full potential. After many months of thinking and researching I've decided that instead of writing about fashion or documenting every move of a celebrity, I'm going to use this blog as a way of expressing my opinions and feelings about issues that arise day-to-day.

So this first real blog is about bullies and coming to a conclusion about why bullies do what they do and whether they do it for fun, because they're cruel, because it's the "fashion" within a young society or because they are in fact, broken.

When I was in school I used to remember how my sister and myself were bullied, even from a very young age, as young as six in fact.

My sister used to get bullied because of her appearance, we both did, but the bullying she received was much more severe than mine. The girls in her year used to call her every name under the sun, whether it was about her teeth (which used to stick out and look bigger than others) or about her ears (which used to poke out of her hair), no matter what they chose to bully her about, they used every name possible to bully her with. When I think back to that I think of how cruel it was. They used to push her to the floor, hold her arms and legs own, put mud and sticks in her hair, throw stones at her and put mud and grass in her mouth to the point they would almost suffocate her. Why would children as young as six do that to a person? I know for a fact who those people are however I won't name and shame because I'm not that type of person, and quite frankly I don't want to be sued for slandering a person over the internet. But I knew the people's background, I knew who their parents were and how they were treated. Where I grew up it was very easy to know how children were treating by their family because everybody spoke to everyone. It was a small town so family life and secrets didn't stay low key for long.

So yes, the children who bullied her were the eldest out of all of their siblings, and they were treated like the prince and princesses of their families, so that doesn't explain why they would bully somebody. If they got everything they wanted then they didn't need to seek attention from acting in a vile manner. However, they still bullied. So what was the underlying cause of that?

When I was in school, mainly from year seven to year eleven I was bullied a lot. I'm not the prettiest girl, I wasn't out of my classmates either and I certainly weren't the thinnest. I was always bullied for being "fat", for not having a perfectly skinny body and for not being able to see my bones. This made me feel horrible. The people who bullied me I have now come to realise were the ones who were the most unhappy about their own appearance. When I was in school they seemed to take bullying as a trend, that because one person did it you had to do it to ensure that you were accepted into their social 'clan'. But now when I look back I realise it was so much more, because the people that bullied me have now modified their body with steroids, fad diets and medical facilities to help them gain the bodies they wanted back in school. For example, one girl who bullied me on a daily basis, I have now found out was anorexic through the last few years of school. I have only known about this recently but it now makes sense to me and has helped me understand why she bullied me for being "fat", because she thought she was, however this information still doesn't mean it was necessary to make someone else feel rubbish about themselves.

Another girl in school used to call me all the names she could that means "fat" and she used to say that my boobs didn't count because they were "fatty" and not real boobs. In the past year she has had a boob job. This explains why she bullied me but again it doesn't mean she had the right to bully me and others.

So the reason those people bullied me were because they felt so awful about themselves they had to make others feel bad to help them feel good. And I guess for them it worked but for the person they bullied it didn't. It made them feel self conscious with no confidence in their self at all and at one point did make them want to commit suicide. Yes, I mean me when I refer to the person as "them". After being bullied for more than five years it begins to take its toll and eventually I didn't know what to do. So I tried to commit suicide. A lot of times in fact.

By these two stories alone you can see that most bullies are broken. That there is an underlying cause for their behaviour which is mainly personal based. Their personal lives have an effect on their social lives.

But in recent years it's becoming a trend in the young society. If you aren't a bully you aren't popular. If you don't  make somebody feel worthless then you may as well be worthless. There is no common ground anymore. Nobody takes into consideration how they are making somebody feel, and it's these people that end up leading other people's lives to an early grave. Suicide rates have certainly risen in the past few years, and the underlying cause of these suicides is bullying. The world needs to remember that bullying isn't something to be proud of and it isn't something to feel clever about. Bullying leads to suicides, it leads to a broken person, it leads to the person being bullied to feel so rubbish about themselves that they lock themselves away and hide from the world.

Granted some people get over bullying. For example Lady Gaga. She was bullied through her child hood and she is open about it. She has explained how it made her feel when she was called a "freak" or "abnormal" but look at her now. She's taken the world by storm. created a name for herself, used her "freakiness" to gain popularity and she has set up a foundation to help stop bullying for good! She's using all the power she has in herself to stop others feeling how she did and to me she is an inspiration for that!

Recently I believe the majority of people have seen the two open letters between Gaga and Sharon Osborne. Gaga clearly wanted her letter to be an open one because she wanted the world to see that she was being genuine and sincere about her apology for what her 'little monsters' have been saying about Kelly. However Sharon's retaliation was not only inappropriate but also unsettling as it showed her to be a bully. The way she victimised her daughter Kelly and slandered the good work Gaga has been doing with the Born This Way Foundation doesn't show her to be professional or in any way, shape or form a role model for the younger society.

Sharon didn't want Gaga's 'little monsters' to bully her daughter Kelly or to call her names or slander her appearance but what does Kelly expect when all she does on E! is bully other celebrities? If she is going to be cruel and throw vicious comments at other celebrities then she should expect to be bullied in return. The 'little monsters' who were bullying Kelly weren't being 'little monsters' at the time, they were being fans of celebs that were being attacked by Kelly. And worse of all Kelly knows how it feels to be bullied from throughout her child, teen and adult years. She was always bullied for being plus sized and for looking the way she did. And now she has the body she wants she thinks it's okay to bully others because now she looks perfect, nobody can bully her in return.

THIS IS NOT OKAY!

You should not bully, no matter what! If you have problems with yourself DO NOT make others have a problem with them selves. If you have issues at home and need a "pick me up", DO NOT make others unhappy to match your unhappiness.

Bullying is a vicious circle. You get bullied, turn into a bully and then get bullied again and it continues in a circle on and on until finally something cracks, until someone commits suicide, or until someone goes under the knife to be this "perfect" specimen.

Sharon Osborne has proved that she is a bully even at her age. Gaga did not in any way try to belittle Kelly or bully Kelly, however Sharon outburst in her letter about Gaga's fashion choices and her views and opinions.

And after reading both letters it is easy to see that there is a simple equation..

Sharon = BULLY
Gaga = VISIONARY

Would you rather be a bully?

Would you rather make somebody else's life miserable because of some underlying problems that you have?

Would you like to live with the guilt of bullying somebody so much that they commit suicide?

I hope not! Because this is not the type of world we want to live in. In my opinion bullying should be illegal and those who bully should be prosecuted. Bullying can lead to all sorts of problems for one's future.

DO NOT BULLY! is the main message of this blog.

But it has made it clear to all that a bully is just another broken person, just like you.

My advice?

If you are being bullied then go and speak to somebody about it, a teacher, a parent, or a peer. Do not let the bullies get away with it and together we can fight this!

Join the BORN THIS WAY FOUNDATION run by Gaga and her mother Cynthia! Unite as one to bring bullying to a complete halt.

DO NOT LET THOSE BULLIES GET AWAY WITH RUINING AN INNOCENT PERSON'S LIFE!

IT IS NOT FAIR ON THESE PEOPLE.

Do not let someone commit suicide by letting bullies get away with it because they will not feel guilty if somebody kills themselves because of bullies. They will not care how they make a person feel.

Bullies are BROKEN! Bullies are HURT! Bullies are SELFISH!

I was feeling creative the other night after work. I'd just like to point out that the lyrics and picture are under the copywrite laws due to being my own original work.

If anybod would like having images like this done for them personally then please get in contact with me on rebecca-maryc@hotmail.co.uk

Thoughts for the day

I thought I'd write my first post on my new blogger site as a thoughts for the day.
After reading numerous things on facebook and twitter and other social networking sites I've come to realise that it's quite disgusting that people seem to want to use these things for one thing. Hooking up.

What's happened to romance? Where has it gone? Because all that's around now are cheap people looking for a quick lay.

Romance is officially dead. Why can't people go back to dating, going out for a meal or to a carnival. Women being given a rose and a small peck on the cheek at the end of the night.

That is what romance is meant to be. NOT a quick lay in a car and a 'see you never' to end the night.